Philosopher-king and rapper-extraordinaire Jay-Z surmised after a hard fought battle over pop chart supremacy with 50 Cent that, “Men lie, women lie; numbers don’t lie.” While he was indeed lying and proving his point- as we all know, 87.9 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot – he could never be telling more truth. Confusing, huh? Well the fact is, men lie at nearly every possible opportunity.
I’m probably lying to you right now about the fact I just shared.
Because I’m a man.
(Oh, let’s be clear. Women lie a lot too. Thing is, women lie much bigger and more catastrophically.)
So without further adieu, let us begin.
1. She’s just my friend.
A man only says this when confronted about how he knows another woman for which some sort of awkward interaction occurred. If you look closely enough, there’s invisible text there that says “…with benefits” or “…that used to do that thing you don’t do but should probably do” or “..that I used to have chandelier monkey sex with.”
Thing is, women do this too but usually they go further with it and say something like, “He’s some guy that Michelle was sleeping with and I was just surprised to see him, considering his cocaine habit and all.” Women are such evil creatures sometimes.
2. You’re the only woman I’ve ever told, “I love you.”
For one, he’s told his mother that at least once, but most of us don’t count our mothers as “women” per se. They’re mothers and above the rest of you boobs. Pun intended. However, he’s probably just trying to make you feel special so you should accept his claim even if you know it’s a lie. And it’s more like a fib, not a lie, anyway.
3. No baby, you’re not bad at it at all. I like teeth!
Just be glad he’s not punching you on the top of your head. Here’s a Panama Jackson PSA: You use teeth to bite things. NWA, the family-oriented rap group from Compton from the late 80s and early 90s (assuming I’m not getting them confused with The Wiggles), had a famous line, “don’t matter just don’t bite it.” Stop it. But we tell you this because we love you anyway. If we start pinching you though, that’s why.
4. I like that we have sex once a week. It gives us a chance to talk.
We hate talking. Talking is for Dr. Phil, girlfriends, and seniors who run out of Cialis.
5. I like that we have sex once a week.
No, he doesn’t. He’d like you to be naked while at home 24/7 and would appreciate if you’d mount him whenever possible. But that gets into the whole submission thing and next thing you know somebody brings up Leif Ericson and Vikings and things just go bad from there. Either way, he’s lying.
Those are some definite lies that men tell. Can you think of others? Thinking caps people.
Alex Wise is a blog contributor and featured publisher for Loveawake.com – a place for single people to connect based on their common interests. He works with single men and women who feel like life is passing them by and helps them to get clear on what they really want and finally make their dreams happen. Through his tips and advice, Alex helps his clients simplify the process of taking back their power and create an extraordinary life. Follow him on the company site or on Facebook and Twitter